Trial & Error – Part 3

download-2

 

I got to know that she knew long back itself that I loved her, apparently Anisha was not as trustworthy enough as I had expected. Anisha had been teasing her silly just like she did to me. She risked the midnight birthday party not only because Anisha was her best friend but also because she wanted to spend some time with me. We would go for movies together and always sit in the corner and watch the film holding hands and fighting on who gets a bigger share of the popcorn. We would have silly bets and whoever loses had to pay the bill the next time we went out and I lost the most but many of them were on purpose as I wanted to spend for her and take care of her. We would debate about where to eat and that would take hours for us to decide. She would cook for me delicious food ranging from white pasta to corn and cheese balls and bring it in small lunch boxes for me to taste. She would make me beg for a kiss every time but she would only offer it on special moments and occasions or when she says that she loves me so much that she just can’t find words to express it. We loved walking together, we would walk for miles together and talk about everything under the sun and moon. We texted each other day and night on all seasons and her phone bills escalated to a new high as she always called up and we were in conversation for hours together. We could pretend to be really immature and have the most childish of conversations and we could also be very mature and have the most intellectual of discussions. She made me feel like a child and forget all my troubles. I vowed never to do drugs but she was the one drug I did not mind getting addicted to. I really loved her for not only for who she was but also for who I am when I am with her. Our love was strong even when she finished her U.G. and joined her P.G. . It never lost its charm. She was not interested in doing a P.G. but was more interested in going for the civil services. But she opted to do P.G. as she wanted to buy more time so that I can finish my degree and get a job and then she can tell her parents about me.  Meanwhile I had my own reservations about what my parents would say given that I had a younger sister who was still in school. I finished my degree with honours and was eager to get back home. I loved my hostel life but missed my home even more. I was filled with excitement when I boarded my train back to my hometown.

Continue reading

Trial & Error – Part 2

download

Love? Love is young. Love is innocent. Love is a little foolish. Whenever I think about her it makes me smile at how cute and innocent we had been.  Would I love her if I met her now? I don’t know. Is love really forever and ever? I certainly thought so once upon a time but I was proved wrong at that instance. I was 18 then. I thought that one can decide when to fall in love. Love was a switch which can be flicked on and off. I wanted to be clear and focus on other things which mattered more. I was in college that time with my two best friends Dushyanth and Anisha. We had met during our 1st day and went on to become pretty close, something like friends for life. Dushyanth was this happy go lucky guy who flirts with every cute girl when he gets the chance but he is never too serious about it. I guess he wasn’t too serious as he did not want to have any expectation nor commitments as he had been in a relationship throughout his high school but then she broke up as he had to leave his hometown to join college, she did not believe in long distance relationships. In short, he was afraid to get his heart broken. Anisha on the other hand believes that love is the greatest gift one can get. She was committed to a guy who lived thousands of miles away in another country. She is the kind who believes that long distance relationships can work. Both have quite contrasting philosophies in life. I was the middleman.  I was still nostalgic whenever I listened to romantic songs, read romantic stories or watched romantic movies. The only person who came to my mind was Ayesha. I did not want to commit for now. I was content with my puppy love memories. My friends teased me for it often. They are not aware of my past and I never tried to make them aware of it either as I believed it to be special. I guess none other than the two of us knew about it. My friends just thought of me as a guy who was a friendly cool geeky nerd who was just not interested in girls. Somehow having a girlfriend/boyfriend had become a priority, an absolute necessity which is multiplied by many folds when you enter college. I was one of the few guys who didn’t have a girlfriend or a crush on anyone.   However all those notions got shattered one fine Tuesday morning.

Continue reading

Trial & Error – Part 1

download

Love? Love is a cruel joke. A selfish illusion. It is something we pretend to portray to console ourselves over what a crappy world we live in. Look at Romeo & Juliet, Devdas and so many other examples…it always ends in death or misery. Love is a fad. Something to lessen your social insecurity. Usually an ice-cream would quell my anger or frustration but today it just wasn’t helping. Especially when an extremely lovey-dovey couple is seated across you pretending as if they are the very definition of love, the perfect picture. The way they giggle and laugh, the way they whisper to each other and feed each other off their spoon with small dollops of choco-vanilla or strawberry just makes me feel sick. I thought love was to make you feel like you had butterflies in your stomach? But it feels more like my stomach is empty and also add to that a splitting headache. The dark chocolate ice-cream I was having just didn’t help in lightening up the dark thoughts that pricked me tirelessly making me feel tiresome. I was better off being oblivious to this thing called love. I wish I was that 11 year old who thought girls were “ewww…” and love was “yuck!”. How blissful would that ignorance be? My hormones, however, had other plans.

Continue reading