Definitely Date a Guy Who Writes

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Along the lines of “Date a guy who is from IIT”, “Date a guy who smokes weed”, “Date a guy who is jobless to write articles such as these” comes “Date a guy who writes”. Nerdy looking guy who uses all fancy words that makes you visit Google like for almost every sentence…why would you date such a guy like that? Good relationships are based on good communication and if you are going to spend half your time on google trying to understand what he just said then you might as well date that jobless guy from IIT who smokes weed. But wait! Don’t be so hasty in coming to conclusions. All those fancy words do come to good use. How you ask? Well let’s consider a few scenarios.

Scenario #1: Have some assignment or a research/project paper that you need to turn in but it looks well…a little less sophisticated than you hoped it would. Don’t worry! In comes Grammar Man to the rescue and sometimes he is sweet enough to fish in fresh new content that you would have a hard time believing that it is actually yours. Turn it in and you would have a grade A assignment and also a grade A boyfriend.

Scenario #2: Need to do a power point presentation and you are at wit’s end to come up with the content? Chillax and witness the presentation whiz put together things for you. From design, animations to your content it would be pure magic as the wizard charms away through your presentation. Even you would be wondering what sort of sorcery is this when you witness the marvel of his work.

Scenario #3: You want to heartbreakingly leave him and go abroad to complete your P.G. but then you see that they ask all these bizarre S.O.P.s, essays and what not. Now let’s face it. The best piece of writing you have ever come up with is your “Letter to the editor” for your 12th board exams. Who else to save you than the hero of fancy words. Despite you leaving him for two years he selflessly devotes himself to whip you up the best piece of writing he has ever come up with riddled with lies about who you are not so that you can get admission to the top universities you can find.

Scenario #4: Preparing for CAT maybe? GRE? GMAT? SNAP? XAT? NMAT? Or just about any entrance exam that has some part of verbal ability in it. Maybe verbal ability is not your forte. Words like supercalifragilistic leaves you gaping like a primitively brained orangutan. What do you do? Flash cards? Classes? Memorize word lists? Nonsense! You have a free of cost living, breathing and all other activities that reflect the scientific acronym “MRS. GREN” dictionary at your service. A date a day and verbal is yours all the way.

Scenario #5: Scenario #5 is for the time when…well…let’s just reserve scenario #5 for miscellaneous purposes in the future for something like some documentation at your place of work or something. Trust me, there will always be a Scenario #5 as writing and a supreme vocabulary can get many things done.

Apart from the many things a writer can help you accomplish there is also the bonus side of what a writer can make you feel.

This guy oozes more romance than sweat from every tiny pore in his body. His ideal mode of proposal is a long note or message. He can tell how special you are in an infinite number of ways thanks to his dictionary sized vocabulary. He doesn’t go for ordinary love, he shoots for the extraordinary. He will dazzle you with verses of poetry that he personally penned exclusively for you. Here is a sample.

“Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

All my bases belong to you.”

You might not like cliches but this guy will make you fall in love them. He will make the things you see in reel come real. He really would take a bullet for you or cross the seven seas for you. If you are still a spoilt brat hoping for something more original then he’s game for that too. If you really want to know how much he loves you, you could spot it in his works. Slowly but surely he would usher you not only to his real world but also his literary world too. He would make you a character named “Zara” in his stories and make you live an adventure you could only dream of. You could be that tough warrior princess who set out to slay an ugly dragon(that dragon could be your boss/HOD/the b*tch who stabbed you in the back), or that revolutionary genius who invented the dimple drill which helps to drill holes called dimples into your cheek to make you look like you have a pothole on your face and thus make you feel blessed and cute. If you are lucky enough you may even feature in his works after you breakup with him, just that you would no longer be a princess or a genius but rather the girl who got murdered, eaten or worse…but hey! You still get to be an influence on pieces of literary work which not many people can boast about. He would write you so many romantic letters such that you would have to hire your own postman. His warm fuzzy long messages can definitely turn even the most stubborn frowns upside down any day. You will realize that his phone conversations are out of this world, they have this charismatic charm to them that borders on fun eccentricity. His messages can make you go “wow” or “huh?”. The flip side is that be prepared for messages at unearthly hours. He is a real nocturnal nut, worse than an owl overdosed on coffee on Halloween night. He would even write a book for you expressing just how much he loves you. It could be as long as 160 pages and each could be filled with words that make you go “awww” or “zzzzzz”. Even the most mundane things such as you walking would be described in such loving metaphors making you feel like a work of art. He would always consider you to be special and his #1 fan. You will always be the first person to read his work and he will treasure every bit of feedback you give him and take every word to heart. He would love you all the more if you can really help him shape his writing with your opinions, nothing can make him love you more than that. If you are lucky enough you may even find your name on the dedication page of his book.

Though be prepared for him pestering you till you have read his writing and given feedback. Another magical quality is that he is so full of ideas. As a writer he always imagines plots, dialogues and characters that his reservoir of romantic ideas never run dry. He could come up with a treasure hunt with the most awesome set of written clues. He will certainly surprise you constantly and keep you on your toes. He always likes to be unpredictable as he thrives on twists and turns in his stories hence you will never have a dull moment with him. He would love to talk for hours at end and never get tired. He can do small talk as well as intellectual smart talk, a very versatile conversationalist. He would tell you stories: his stories, other’s stories and he would even create stories with you. He would always be up for something new and would want to do things that are out of the ordinary, just like his stories he would want to go off on adventures with you. So don’t be surprised if he insists on going to a zoo dressed up as a banana and poke fun at the monkeys there by rattling the cages. Boring is one adjective you would find non-existent around him. He would thrive on new experiences for the sake of inspiration for his writing. In fact whenever you do feel bored, he is the first person you turn to. He would definitely raise your I.Q. by several points making you smarter as he is full of interesting things to talk, debate and discuss about.

Him: “Did you know that Raj has a thing for Sakshi?”

You: “Shut up! No way!”

Him: “Yes way! You have no idea how super jealous he was of Karthik.”

You: “Wow! You are so full of interesting things that are so important in life. Go on! Tell me more.”

He will be the one grammar nazi you would love as he lovingly corrects your grammar. So mind your “you’re”s and “your”s. He would bug you with book recommendations and go on about why you should read that book and how much you have missed out in the literary world. So if you have not read Harry Potter then expect him to sit you down and read all 7 books to you, and trust me he will not give you a choice. You would definitely spot a mini-library at his home(don’t be surprised if he collects late fine for books you borrowed). When guys his age workout at the gym, his form of workouts are of the cranial kind at the library. He can be a tad timid too. Most writers are ambiverts. They have got used to spending most of their time alone as they write hence they sometimes are a little recluse around a group of people. So always let him know if you plan to ambush him with your social circle. He would understand if you ever needed your personal time or space as he too needs his own personal time and space. So if you are in your mood swings phase then he will be more than happy to give you a wide berth till you find fit to fly back into his arms. He can be very analytical. He tries to work out many scenarios before doing or saying anything and would often wonder why someone said or did something. He would find meanings in the things that went unsaid. He understands your every look, your every tone and your every movement. He comes with many quirks and oddities that makes him all the more unique and special. Like how any fight can be sorted out just by getting him a big pack of Kurkure or how he likes to doodle on his hand constantly. He can be very complex and multi-layered. You think you have got him figured out alright and BAM! He gets that Batman costume and calls you Gotham so that whenever you say you need him he can dress up and declare “Gotham needs me.” and bound over to you in his batmobile to save the day. The best part about a guy who writes is that he is very wise as he spends most of his time thinking and flexing his cerebrum. Let yourself loose and share all the problems that haunt you as he can double up as a shrink too and give you the best piece of advice, insight or perspective that you can ever get and that too for free of cost(but don’t be so cheap, give the guy a kiss or a hug at least). He is full of empathy and very sensitive. As a result he can read people like no one else. He not only meets people but also creates them and hence he can always tell what you are thinking and how are you feeling. He is the closest you can get to a Charles Xavier. He knows when to comfort you and when to poke fun at you. He is the perfect shoulder to lean on for support. He is truly the knight in shining armour for your damsel-in-distress moments. You may be the size of a hobbit, have crooked teeth, have near blind vision, look like an overstuffed turkey but who cares…he loves you in all your imperfections. He can take criticisms and rejections in his stride and will change and adapt faster to them than crib as he has always handled criticisms for his writings. He has a great sense of humour, not the slapstick kind but more of the smart witty kind that leaves you both impressed and tickled. If you ask him for a movie, he’ll replace the subtitles with his own written ridiculously funny one such that when Smeagol actually obsesses to himself about the One ring the subtitles read that he is whining to himself about his bad hair and dry skin like a teenage girl. He will be a great listener as he pays so much attention to detail. He will hang on to every single little thing you say as everything will mean so much to him. So be careful of what you say to him as the little things matter the most yet don’t hide anything either(told you he is complex). He will always prefer you over even an Ind Vs. Pak cricket match as, being a writer, he knows the value of romance . He will be loyal, honest and straightforward. He tells you everything frankly and never hides anything from you.

“That dress makes you look like a peacock in neon lights under a rainbow and an aurora borealis.”

He hates to lie and hates more to be lied to. He will show you etiquette like no other guy can. He will always make time for you and will be always there for you no matter when or where. He will always try to be a hero for you just like the many heroes he pens for his stories. He relishes the fact that he can play out his lead character as himself in real life and draws inspiration from that. He will take you through a roller coaster of emotions just like the ups and downs his protagonists face in his stories. He knows that life isn’t always fun and games and he will never let go of you however hard things may get. He will latch onto you like a virus that has no vaccination or cure but this happens to be a good virus, you would definitely love this type of sickness which is called as love. He will love you like crazy with such passion that you would be afraid to let him go. Afraid because you know that you will never meet another guy who can love you or care for you as much as he does. Afraid because no one can understand you more than him. Afraid because he sets the benchmarks so high that anything after him is just not enough. He is the only ticket to unconditional love that you will ever get. He will make you sing even though you aren’t a singer, he will make you dance even though you aren’t a dancer and in short he will turn you into him-a hopeless romantic. You will want to be the book he never stops writing about. So date a guy who writes because even though your fate would already have been written, he can help you rewrite it because like duh! He is a writer. Date a guy who writes as you would definitely want to be the heroine in his story. Date a guy who writes as he can make you feel like the most beautiful poem this world has ever seen.

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